Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution Forums banner
1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
171 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You mean you have a drink called Steve?"

A penguin walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender dives into the office and says to the owner, "You're not going to believe it, but a penguin just ordered a whiskey." The owner says, "Charge him $10." The bartender gets back to the bar and pours the penguin a drink, "You know, we don't get too many penguins here." The penguin says back, "At $10 a shot you probably won't get many more."

Please feel free to contribute a bad joke of your own.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,566 Posts
A depressed man in a long trench coat walks in to a bar and finds a seat. He reaches into his coat and pulls out a little man about a foot tall and sits him an the stool next to him.
The bartender walks up to him and says, "What can I get you and your little friend here?"
"We'll take two beers." the man mumbled.
The bartender serves them up the beers and the little man grabs his beer and chugs it as fast as he could. Then the little man jumps on top of the bar, get right in the bartenders face and screams, "Fu(k You!" The entire bar goes quiet as the little man runs up and down the bar kicking over drinks and breaking glasses.
"Hey! Hey!" The bartender then turns to the depressed man, "What's up with your buddy?"
The man looks up from his beer in time to watch the little man jump down off the bar, run to the pool table and helplessly watched the little man grab pool balls and start throwing them at everyone in the bar.
The bartender then confronts the man, "You better have a good explination for this pal. I'm calling the cops."
The man looks at him blankly and shrugs. "It doesn't matter."
"It doesn't matter!" The bartender replied. "That little asshole is tearing up my bar."
The man shook his head and said, "He's not a little asshole." "Last week I freed a genie from a lamp and he granted me one wish."
"I wished for a twelve inch d!ck."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
171 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12 Posts
A Nun and a Priest decide to go on a golfing trip one day. So they grab their clubs and meet at the local holes to go a round or two.

The Nun shoots first nailing the ball right on the green.
"Great shot," Says the Priest.

The Priest now goes up to tee off and on the first ball hooks it left and it goes into a nearby street. Frustrated he says, "S#!T I missed!"
The Nun tells the Priest, "Please do not curse."

So they make their way to the second hole. Again the Nun hits a great shot, and the Priest once again shoots it far off the coarse losing it in a forest. Once again frustrated he says, "S#!T I missed!"
The Nun tells him this time, "Do not curse anymore or the clouds will come and the Lord will smite thee."

They continue onto the third hole...

Nun - Amazing shot, Priest; loses his 3rd tee shot in a row into a pond. Without thinking out of anger he again says "S#!T I missed!"

Then out of nowhere, the clouds roll in and the thunder booms, and a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and nails the Nun dropping her to the ground dead.
Shortly after a booming voice follows saying "S#!T I missed!"

:thumbdown: I know lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
A mother is baking cookies for her three daughters. Just as they get out of the oven, one daughter asks her mom Why did you name me Rose, mommy?
Because when you were born a Rose fell on your head, dear. the mom replies.
Satisfied, the daughter takes a cookie and walks off. Hearing the question, her second daughter approaches. Why did you name me Lilly, mommy?
Because when you were born, a Lilly fell on your head, dear. Again, satisfied with the answer, the daughter takes a cookie and walks off.
The third daughter then approaches her mother.
RAAAggghahhAHHHHggggHHHgghhaaaggg.
Shut up, Fridge!
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top